


bottle it up.

by junfhongs



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Chapter 10 spoilers, Chapter 9 Spoilers, F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Hurt/Comfort, Sparring, Telepathy, chapter 13 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:00:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24201718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junfhongs/pseuds/junfhongs
Summary: Byleth:I wish I knew what other people really thought of me, don’t you?Felix:I guess so.Felix: (Internally)I love you, I love you, I’m in love with you so much it’s killing me.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 10
Kudos: 88





	bottle it up.

As a consequence of her transient lifestyle and her father's… _questionable_ parenting, Byleth wasn't very good at social cues. More accurately, drawing her blade at her problems was apparently _not_ an acceptable solution to everyone's problems.

Even more questionable than her father's decisions in raising her this way was everyone else's decision to ask _her_ about their problems, as if being a professor automatically meant she was all-knowing and wise. Once again, if it couldn't be fixed with a fight, Byleth _probably_ wasn't the right person to deal with it.

Sothis liked harping on about that, telling her that she had to learn how to read other people's moods better. _'I will not be here to tell you to smile or to respond kindly forever, if you must know. You must learn to interact with the people around you!'_ Sothis admonished her once.

Unfortunately for her, Byleth was getting better at shutting her out of her internal monologue.

People were exhausting, so that was probably why she liked Felix. Sure, he was prickly and downright rude to most of the people around him. Their mildly uncomfortable but mostly dismissive responses told Byleth that this was just _typical Felix,_ and she didn't need to worry about his 'behavior making people uncomfortable', as Seteth would have told her.

She also liked him because his natural response to things was to draw his blade and determine a winner based on strength and skill alone. No social cues, no courtesy, no pretenses; just the two of them in the middle of the training grounds for hours on end, until Felix had enough of getting his ass wiped by his professor.

Today, much like the past few weeks, was a little rougher on him though. Byleth… didn't want to deal with her father's death. She didn't want to deal with this odd feeling in the back of her throat and eyes telling her to cry until her body dried up. She didn't want to deal with the pity people threw at her with every move she made.

She just… wanted to fight. She didn't want to be _'oh, that poor professor';_ she wanted to be the person her father raised. Silent, but strong. That was all she wanted.

That day, Byleth emerged from her room after the noon bell only to be greeted by Felix leaning against the wall, waiting for her. "We haven't sparred in weeks," he said softly, still avoiding her eyes. "I wouldn't want you to go soft."

Somehow, his crass words brought just a hint of a smile on her lips. "Even at my worst, I doubt you stand a chance."

The taunt left Felix wide open, and he replied by pushing himself off the wall and smirking. "We'll see about that."

It didn't take long for Byleth to end their first bout with the tip of her sword against Felix's chin. "Yield."

"I yield," Felix mumbled. As soon as he got up, he raised his sword and gave her another smirk. _"Again."_

He lost five more bouts before he was sufficiently convinced that Byleth was fine— or she was going to be fine, eventually. Felix sat on the ground and leaned back on a pillar, waiting for Byleth to take the spot beside him.

Most of their training sessions ended like this. Sometimes in silence, other times in hushed conversations about simple things like battle tactics or tips on Felix's footwork. Sometimes, on select days, they talked about life, about anything they could possibly think of, just to talk to someone who seemed to be on the same wavelength as they were.

Felix cleared his throat when he finally caught his breath. "I'll ask once, just to make sure." Byleth sighed as she knew what to expect. Felix's hand twitched before it reached out to tug on Byleth's wrist, drawing her attention to the motion then up into Felix's gaze. "Are you okay?"

Byleth didn't know what to say to that. The truth was… "Yes. A little better now." Her eyes darted back down on their hands and then back up into Felix's soft gaze. "This helped."

Felix tried to hide the pleased quirk of a smile on his lips, but Byleth was good at catching details like those. She wasn't good at knowing what they meant, but Felix was a little easier to read than most people.

"Good." He let go of her wrist now, fingertips leaving Byleth's skin tingling. His expression was pensive now, reminiscent of some of their conversations from before. "I know what it feels like to lose someone and I… hated the pity. I don't know about you, but I— I hated it."

Byleth hummed in agreement, not sure about what Felix would have wanted her to say in response to that.

"It's like I don't know how people want me to act." Felix grit his teeth. "Should I act all sad and pitiful so they could feel better by comforting me? Or should I act strong and unfazed so that they just… leave me alone?"

Byleth's hands curled into fists at the familiar wetness welling up in her eyes. His words struck every chord in her body. "Yes," she said simply. Felix would understand that.

"My point is," Felix kicked the dust by their feet, "you don't have to care about how people want you to act. Grieve, if you want to grieve. Cry, laugh, shout, break things, pick a fight, _just do it._ There is no right or wrong way to feel what you feel."

_To… feel?_

She heard her father's last words once again, and just like then, she allowed her tears to flow, allowed herself to feel.

And somewhere in the middle of all that, she rested her head on Felix's chest and allowed herself to cry in his hesitant embrace.

"Sometimes I wish… I could read people's minds," she said in between hiccups. "Just to know how I'm supposed to act— to feel. I don't— I don't _understand…_ " And in lieu of her words, she dug her fist into her chest, the blunt sensation coming from outside and from within.

"Pain," he completed for her. "I… I know."

He didn't pull her in, didn't push her away. He let her cry against his chest, he let her cry in her hands, he let her breathe and let it out.

Byleth spent a little more time against Felix's chest. She didn't know how to express thanks to someone like Felix, someone who would have understood her silent language by now. So she sat with him there until the sky changed colors and they exhausted every topic they could cover in conversation.

Then there was silence. Companionable, peaceful, comfortable silence.

 _'Oh, you poor thing,'_ Sothis mumbled, _'no silence is enough for you to learn how to listen.'_

_Listen for what?_

When she tried, all she could hear was the beating of his heart and silence of hers.

 _'Poor child,'_ Sothis said as she floated in front of her, staring at the two of them.

———

As soon as Rhea dismissed her, Byleth hid in her room, afraid of the constant stares and endless questions.

She stared at herself in the mirror, stared at the pale green hair and the way she glowed slightly even in the dim lighting. It… terrified her. If Sothis were here, if she were still chattering in Byleth's head, maybe this transformation would be a little less terrifying.

Maybe she would have felt a little less alone.

Was that an effect of her merging with Sothis? The… _feeling?_ It seemed like she was doing more of that recently, more than ever.

There was a knock on her door. A part of Byleth wanted to ignore it, but there was a sharpness to the sound that told Byleth exactly who was on the other side of the door.

"Care to train?" asked Felix, a training sword in one hand and a hooded cloak in the other. "It's just a short walk to the training grounds, but I thought you'd want to avoid the looks anyway." He was looking past her, not at her, maybe to avoid staring as well.

It was… thoughtful, really. Felix could be that way sometimes.

"Come on," Byleth said as she slipped the cloak on and quickly walked to the training grounds. It was empty, thankfully, and she slipped the cloak off in relief. "Look, I don't know if I—"

Felix came from behind and had his blade against her neck in an instant. She could almost see his triumphant smirk from behind her. "Yield," he said, deep voice going straight to her ear.

"I yield." He quickly let her go and tossed a training sword at her. "Just to be clear, that doesn't count as a win, but it was a good use of your stealth maneuvers."

Felix stretched and tilted his neck to the sides. "I guess I'll have to keep trying then," he said with a smirk. "Blades up."

Nine bouts. It took nine bouts for Felix to give up today.

He ended up on his back in the last one, tip of Byleth's sword at his throat. "Yield," Byleth said breathily, meeting his defeated grimace with a smirk of her own.

As she stared into his eyes and listened to the sound of their labored breaths, a voice suddenly crept into the back of her mind.

_'I love you.'_

Byleth pulled her sword back in an instant. "What did you say?" she said carefully.

"I yield," Felix repeated, sitting up and wiping the sweat on his forehead with his sleeve. Byleth blinked in response.

She walked away and placed her sword on the weapons rack. When she looked back to gaze at Felix on the floor, their eyes met once again.

_'I love you. I love you, damn it. I still hate Sylvain for forcing me to realize that. Goddess, Byleth, I love you.'_

Suddenly, all she could hear was _Felix._ Felix and his sharp words, Felix and his sharp tongue, Felix and his cold fury and passion for strength— Felix and those three little words slipping so easily, so _sweetly,_ from his mind.

"Is something wrong?" Felix said as he approached the weapons rack to leave his sword as well. Byleth stared into his eyes one last time, just to… _make sure._

_'Beautiful.'_

Byleth's face turned bright red as she averted her eyes. When Sothis told her to listen, she didn't think _this_ was what she was meant to hear.

 _No more eye contact,_ she thought to herself, but she couldn't help but look up when Felix stood beside her.

_'I'm so in love with you— damn it. Get yourself together, Felix!'_

Byleth bit her lip as she walked away. This was going to make things so much more difficult, but a part of her… liked it.

———

Apparently, being asleep for five years gave the world a lot of time to turn upside down.

When she first saw Dimitri in the Goddess Tower, she thought that seeing only one eye would make it easier for her to block out his thoughts.

She was terribly wrong. Until now, she was trying to shake off his harrowing words, all the voices and whispers that sounded just like Dimitri. All Dimitri, only him. He was the only voice in his head, but he confused himself into thinking his own thoughts, his own guilt, were the ghosts of his past. If only seeing into his mind could make Byleth fix him…

No time to think about that now, not as Dimitri dragged her into an endless fight right away. Her body didn't forget how to fight, that she was glad for. But fighting with a… _beast_ that she once regarded as her best student was beyond harrowing.

Well, perhaps Dimitri was her best student, but her favorite was still elsewhere.

Could he have decided to honor their promise too? Or was he already gone, now a member of Dimitri's chorus of dead souls?

She heard fighting from across the battlefield. Sounds of steel clashing against steel, the gallop of a horse, the beating of a Pegasus's wings. Hope struck Byleth's heart deeply, and she found herself smiling widely at the sight of her other students, all grown up and rougher from the war.

After a while, a lone wolf caught up with them.

"Fancy meeting you here. A welcome surprise."

Byleth closed her eyes and waited for him to come closer before meeting his gaze.

_'I can't believe— you're just— you're as beautiful as ever. Five years, Byleth, damn it, I'm still in love with you.'_

At that, Byleth couldn't help but grin. Unfortunately, there was still a battle to finish.

"Come on, Fraldarius," she said as they turned their backs to each other and scouted the field. "Hope you haven't gotten soft while I was away."

"Ha! You'd be surprised at what I learned while you were away. Though now that you're here," Felix turned his head to catch a glimpse of her from behind, "I'm sure I won't be letting my blade rust from now on."

Something about that sounded like a promise. Byleth heard him loud and clear.

"Blades up!"

**Author's Note:**

> once again used the otp prompt generator and modified it a little bit  
> poor felix, if he got the telepathy power, all he would hear from byleth is like . the monastery bgm on loop or something lmao
> 
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